K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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