please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
