oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
