bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
