I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
