hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
