he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
