I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize