My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
