Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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