I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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