You made me cry and you don't even care
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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