I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
