I have demons in me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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