I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
