I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
