it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
