saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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