Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
