i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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