Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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