I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
