DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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