Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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