We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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