Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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