that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
