I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
