we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
