i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I want a musical about memes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
