i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
