You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
