lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
