she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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