The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
