Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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