During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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