Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He passed out mid-signature
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
