I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All the doctor said was why
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
