so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
