i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
