I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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