You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
