I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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