I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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