If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
