i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dignity is for republicans.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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