Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
