After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
