Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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